its been so long since i last updated my blog.. a lot of things had been happening lately.. things just filled up my mind till my migraine came back.. and it just hurt so bad i had to rely on panadol again.. din wanna touch it but.. i couldnt take the pain that the migraine had been causing..
things are not that fine between me and liwei.. this time was different from the past few times.. i can even feel that his love for me now is different from last time.. i couldnt feel anything from his eyes, his hands.. when i held his hand, i could feel that its different.. its like.. there's no force.. i cant help it when my tears wanna fall.. everytime i held his hand, i feel this way and i just felt that my tears are going to fall out but i tried not to let it out.. in order not to let my tears fall, i held on to his arm instead..
i can even feel that liwei's tired.. very very tired.. the things i did.. i dunno why i did them.. in the past, i knw that i wont do such things to the one i love but i dunno why i did it to him.. its been some time but i still cant figure out why i let myself did such things to him.. i feel like slapping myself everytime i said or did something to hurt him.. be it verbally or through sms.. i dun feel that i am me when i did such things to him.. i dunno whats wrong with me.. am i mad or wad? why did i do such things to my own bf? to the one i love?
i wanna change things.. but i dunno where should i start from.. i dunno which is the best way.. i dunno how i should do it.. there's a lot of things i dunno..
i dun wanna make things more difficult for him.. but i want to solve this.. so that we can continue and move on with our rs.. i dun wan us to just stop here.. there's still a lot of things we haven done together yet.. i just.. hope things to go back to normal.. and i will never do such things to him ever again..
all the photos.. i looked through and through.. i like the photo we took at barrage the most.. the one we took the first time we went to barrage.. you looked really very happy.. unlike now.. i am the one who caused all the pain and tiredness to you.. i wont do them to you anymore.. i hope we can have our happy times back.. and let this period that we're going through now to fade away.. i want us to be happy.. i want us to be a loving couple.. i want us to have a happy relationship.. that would last forever..
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
omg, its been sooooooooooo super long since i last updated my blog n i can even remember my password.. woooh~!
ok, somebody told me he read my blog.. and the person is.......... my liwei!! =) HELLO!! if you're reading this.. hahaha~!
hmm, now's exam period.. done with 2 papers and now with the last one to go, which is like.. one week later.. i haven one week to study for it.. how good is tt.. haha..
just finished watching Iron Man, liwei's dvd.. its nice! super nice! hahaha! love it! thanks liwei!!! =)
n now.. im goin to bed... tata~~~
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Friday, November 27, 2009
The word 'why', it can either be a question, or an 'answer' to a question. it depends on how you look at it. but to me, it is neither. because that word stopped appearing in my life.
If someone did something bad to you, the first thing that comes to your mind is, 'why?'. But sometimes, it is better not to have it answered to save yourself from tears, sadness, and disappoinment. So, don't even ask 'why?' when something like that happened to you. It is better not to know the truth. Because when you know it, you will start to ponder over it and make your life much more miserable than it already is. This is what I've learnt. You may not agree with me, but like what others may say, 'Different people hold different views'.
Friday, November 27, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
this is what i wanted to do.. this is what i wanted to learn.. for the past 8 years of dream.. now i have the chance to realise it.. but i'm not allowed to.. no one can ever understand how that will feel.. while others are allowed to do whatever they want.. with full support.. while i get none.. totally none of the support.. what i get is only how i am forever not going to achieve it.. not even a chance is given.. what they do is to twist and turn the actual meaning of those words.. if i can't even solve all the issues that implies, i wouldn't have brought up the matter in the first place.. i've been planning this for such a long time.. yet no one is willing to support.. thus,what am i to them.. someone who is not able to achieve any goals she has set for herself, for her life, for her dreams.. in conclusion, they don't understand at all.. ''motive''? what motives do i have for learning it? the motives are simple.. for someone who is losing all her friends, just because she has to reach home by 11pm when she's out, no one wants to ever ask her out cos her phone will start ringing when the clock strikes 10pm, and she has to leave, to get home by 11pm.. for someone who has only a few close friends left, but they are not well-liked by her family..and she can't even talk on the phone for too long with any of them..can't sms too much.. so what is she left with? she, herself, in her own la la land.. im just sick of watching tv and playing the comp all the time.. living a life like this, whats the worth? why can't you guys just be happy for me, at least i would like to have a change in life, doing what i love, and not asking me whats the damn use of learning it?
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Saturday, October 10, 2009
i dont know what to blog about anymore..
''Words I Couldn't Say'' - Rascal Flatts
Saturday, October 10, 2009
Monday, October 05, 2009
indeed, kinda regret not updating my blog over that period of time.. simply just noting down the details that happened.. but somehow, it may not be the best decision after all.. you're everywhere i go..
i love the life i have now.. i love the place i'm at.. the flexibility that not every place can give.. i love to travel and i love looking at the scenery everyday.. this became something that someone will enjoy doing.. so overall, i just totally love it..
however, i just feel that time is never enough.. 'timeless' is how i should phrase it i guess.. and suddenly, i just felt that this, is somehow, the way things should be..
Monday, October 05, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
i did a test on facebook,'what do you need most in a relationship?' and the results show:
You have a certain innocence about you.You want the simple things in life. You love hugs,kisses, and being in the arms of the person you love. You want to feel protected,loved, and adored. You like your lover to initiate the first move and on some occasions you like a little aggressiveness but for the most part you need physical affection in order to maintain happy relationship.
someone who loves the way you are,
someone who respects any decision you made,
someone who loves freedom,
someone who do the things he know you love,
someone who says things to make you feel that you're loved when you're down,
someone who do things to make you laugh when you're tired,sleepy,listless, or sad,
someone who loves watching action movies,
someone who laughs at you when you're so scared watching those scary scenes of the movie,
someone who snatches popcorn with you,
someone who loves eating mixed vegetable rice,
someone who loves milo,
someone who would wait for you no matter how late you are,
someone who makes the effort to get to know your best friends no matter how hard he's trying to hide the truth about everything,
someone who loves to give you surprises,
someone who is worried about you when you're not feeling well,
someone who loves the things you love,
someone who thinks about you wherever he is,
someone who hopes you dream of him every night,
someone who remembers the things you love,
someone who became the drive in whatever you do,
someone who feels that every meeting isn't long enough,
someone who wants you to have confidence in him,
someone who you can always get in touch with 24/7,
someone who finds every way to get in touch with you to make sure you're doing fine when he's around,
someone who loves the old old songs,
someone who would love you to meet the ones he loves,
someone who believed you will be together with forever,
someone who left
suddenly.. i just..
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Saturday, August 29, 2009
i think the number of readers of this blog can be counted using only one hand.. haa~! hmm.. cos i dunnoe wad to write about.. which is true.. ok.. someone asked me to update.. so here i am.. what am i up to recently? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm... reading up reports of the pass 3 months in... 1 day??? it was a disaster yesterday!! my eyes were so damn painful n i din bring my eye drops.. worse still.. and what could be worse than this? i've only managed to finish readin 1 and a half months of reports.. damn damn damn.. sighhhhhhh... i've asked so many people and so super duper many times.. all of them gave me the same answer.. quit it~~~ n yeah yeah.. give me 2 weeks.. i've been hating it since the first day im there.. sighhhhh...
ok.. i totally can't wait for jean to come back during december.. so we can spend the whole day out chit chatting!!!!! hahaha.. jean, if you're reading this.. you know how much i've missed you!!!!!!!
met up with mel on thurs and went back to raffles hotel.. spend around 20 mins there and i just can't wait to go somewhere else.. when we were at the basement.. we saw someone familiar.. haa.. the chef that sophia had kinda.. a crush on.. haha.. din realli talk much.. so sorry.. and we went off for lunch at city link.. Xin Wang (not the one from Hong kong.. its said to be from Taiwan... hmmmmmmm.....) uploaded photos on facebook.. and they have the super duper nice bubble tea!! yeah.. i knw.. its cold drink.. but.. er.. yeah.. i still ordered it... heeee...
kept wanting to purchase that customised necklace.. budden.. sigh..
i kept thinking what is the best for you.. and i chose this way.. (although i've been scolded for always thinking for others and not for myself) but.. this is the only way you wont be having any pressure.. but still.. let's travel around the world together =)
fell in love with kris allen's No Boundaries.. love the lyrics so much.. it just felt like the things that happened to me.. one point in time.. it just felt like.. i'm going nowhere.. the road ahead leads to nowhere.. so lost and you just dunnoe wad to do.. isit right for me to make this decision? isit right for me to make the other decision? i just dunnoe which is the best decision.. before everything fell apart.. you were there to tell me that everything will be fine.. but when it all happened.. it felt like double blow.. couldn't handle it well.. in the end.. it was the third option i chose.. and i just need a rest.. for these few months.. thats why i left raffles hotel.. my life was in a very fast pace and i feel that i need to slow down.. so that i wont miss out any important thing in life.. maybe its too late to realise this now.. but i never regret the decision i've made.. to leave the place i love so much and learn to live in another environment.. the only thing i need to do is to live my life.. and make sure i live it well.. not wasting a single moment of it.. i wont let time just pass by right in front of my eyes.. but sometimes, i'll still wonder.. if i did the right thing.. in the lyrics, "Break every rule.." hmm.. is it realli true that There Are No Boundaries?
Saturday, August 29, 2009
Saturday, August 15, 2009
although its only 8/10 (if u still rmb what im refering to.. =)).. i think it will become 10/10 one day..
as for the rest of the 2/10, it will be filled up slowly someday =) see you soon too!!! <3
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Saturday, July 04, 2009
sent messages with no reply.. except for the topic you've been waiting for me to 'discuss' about.. it wasn't a discussion after all, isn't it? you've already decided from the very day you spoke out.. now, it's just like this song.. is there really no turning back?
Secondhand Serenade-It's Not Over
my tears run down like razor blades and I know I'm not the one to blame its youor is it me? and all the words we never say come out and now we're all ashamed and there's no sense in playing games when you've done all you can do
but now it's over it's over why is it over? we had the chance to make it now it's over it's over it can't be over I wish that I could take it back but it's over
I'll lose myself in all these fights I'll lost my sense or wrong and right I cry, I cry shaking from the pain that's in my head I just want to crawl into my bed and throw away the life I've led but I won't let it die, I won't let it die
but now it's over it's over why is it over? we had the chance to make it now it's over it's over it can't be over I wish that I could take it back
I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart don't say this won't last forever you're breaking my heart, you're breaking me heart don't tell me that we will never be together we could be over it's over we could be forever
I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart don't say this won't last forever you're breaking my heart, you're breaking me heart don't tell me that we will never be together we could be over it's over we could be forever
it's not over it's not over it's never over unless you let it take you it's not over it's not over it's not over unless you let it break you it's not over
Saturday, July 04, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
i was so wrong..to have said that you din remember, you din remember.. but actually, you're the one who is more thoughtful.. maybe you din know that.. but you are.. a yearly 'thing' is much more meaningful and special than a 'monthly' thing.. you are so so so right!!!
but now, everything just felt like tumbling down.. y did i always suspect this kind of things would happen, and it did happen.. me and my stupid thinking.. shit! now we're not talking and i just hate it.. for the first time ever since last yr.. i know you're not going to talk about anith for the time being.. n somehow, i already know what your answer is.. but i just hope its something different.. y did things turn out this way? everything was going so well.. n somehow i have a feeling that you found my blog.. so if you are reading now.. i really meant what i said in the message i sent.. i even told u a secret that i din tell anyone..
n now, i feel like the worst is back.. its been gone for a few months and now its back.. how am i going to do this without you?
A strangled smile fell from your face It kills me that I hurt you this way The worst part is that I didn't even know Now there's a million reasons for you to go But if you can find a reason to stay
I'll do whatever it takes To turn this around I know what's at stake I know that I've let you down And if you give me a chance Believe that I can change I'll keep us together whatever it takes
She said "If we're gonna make this work You gotta let me inside even though it hurts Don't hide the borken parts that I need to see" She said "Like it or not It's the way it's gotta be You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me"
I'll do whatever it takes To turn this around I know what's at stake I know that I've let you down And if you give me a chance And give me a break I'll keep us together I know you deserve much better
But remember the time I told you The way I felt That I'd be lost without you And never find myself Let's hold onto each other Above everything else Start over, start over
I'll do whatever it takes To turn this around I know what's at stake I know that I've let you down And if you give me a chance And believe that I can change I'll keep us together Whatever it takes.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
i just cant stop being angry over such small things.. keep jokin that i'm 'small gas'.. but.. its not the problem of being 'small gas' or not.. its whether you care about it or not..
and.. you have 8 hours left.. before the day ends..
